Puke Week

Last week was Holy Week. For our family, however, it was “Puke Week”. That’s sort of like “Shark Week”, but with more guts and no commercial breaks. I’m still dealing with the fallout and it ain’t pretty, folks. We’ve already had to buy some new sheets because some things just cannot be salvaged from that wreckage. We had to say goodbye to some things. I’m grieving the loss, but it was very necessary.

Usually when I emerge from the coma of being sick (although, let’s be honest, parents don’t really get true sick days), I have to reckon with the carnage of the state of my house. But after a stomach bug, and one that ravaged our ENTIRE family, that carnage is epic. Oh yes, and don’t forget the extra little barfing incident on Sunday evening from the Easter candy overload. Yes, yes, I know. Parenting of the year award over here. But come on, I know I’m not the only one with an Easter puker. (**I could make a social commentary here about what it means that “Easter-sugar-overload-puking” is a thing in America, but I won’t. Because I’d be implicating myself as a contributor to the problem. And yes, it is a problem. And IRONIC. On the day we celebrate God’s empty tomb we fill ourselves so full we spill over. Gross. Anyway, another day, maybe.) I will just say that at the end of the week I had the distinct feeling we should all guzzle a gallon of Lysol, bathe our house in bleach, or maybe just burn it all and start over. I resisted all those urges and tackled the disinfecting and washing and drying with the fury of a level 5 tornado. Please enjoy these photos of my day yesterday:

mattress

Here are some things I wish someone would’ve told me about how to handle stomach viruses and kids:

Have multiple waterproof mattress covers on hand for every mattress in the house. One will not be enough. Obviously.

Invest in copious amounts of cheapo towels. Like, I mean REALLY cheap. Preferably ones that you don’t give a rat’s tooshy about, that can be thrown away if when they get destroyed in the vomit storm.

laundryDo NOT set the dishwasher on a delayed wash to run in the middle of the night. If you do this, when one of your children wakes up covered in vomit, that child will need a bath, and there will be no hot water. Then you will have a screaming child who is rueing the day she was born because she is not only covered in puke, feels dreadful, but is additionally now being dowsed with freezing cold water in the middle of the night. The pitiful and very loud screams of that child will awaken your OTHER child, who will also begin screaming, joining in the chorus of suffering overtaking your household. Avoid this whole awful scene. Run your dishwasher promptly after dinner. Trust me.

couchKeep many unopened toothbrushes on hand throughout the house. You will want to brush your teeth constantly. (Unless you’re the kid who’s puking up the Easter candy. Then you’ll be saying, “No, I think I kinda like the taste in my mouth.” Yeah, that really happened. Of course you like it, kid. It’s SUGAR. Granted it’s regurgitated sugar, but sugar nonetheless.)

Lean on your support system. Don’t try to be independent. Let people help you. I’m glad I relinquished my psychotic need to feel strong last week. I have an amazing friend who dropped a “sickie care package” of saltines, gatorade, and 7up on our front porch. I have a selfless sister-in-law who took care of our toddler who had recovered while we were still in the throws of the sickness.

Well, friends. I wish you clean, healthy days of caught up laundry and sanitary mattresses. Be well.

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